Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Haacks left for a cruise on the Baltic Sea this morning and I already feel abandoned and alone! I’m amazed at how socially dependent I have become. It used to be that I’d savor every millisecond of “me-time” and even get grouchy if someone had the audacity to intrude upon my solitude. My sister is still sore about the one morning that she came to sit with me at breakfast in Saga. I rudely informed her that apart from my friends--Grapenuts and the New York Times—no one else was welcome at the table.

I do feel bad about that now, especially as I think about how nice it would be to share high-fiber cereal and liberal reading material with somebody other than Apple and Pacy tomorrow morning. I realize that I’m being melodramatic, but the past nine hours of “me-time” have left me feeling a little OCD and questioning my ability to relax.

Lately, my inclination to be productive at every waking moment of the day has resulted in a ridiculous amount of time spent in the kitchen. Take today for example: After getting home from kick-boxing and a trip to the market, I put myself to work. I doctored a whole wheat bread recipe that I found online, making sure to knead for three entire Lady Gaga songs, and set it aside.

In the hour and a half it took to rise, I wasted no time in scouring the pantry for granola suitable ingredients. Five hours later I had the granola in Tupperware, bread cooling on the counter, and the broiler ready for an asparagus accompanied dinner.

Somehow, on my day off from classes at the UW, I found a way to stay busy from the moment I woke up to my 9:30 bedtime (yes yes laugh it up). Why can’t I just be? And why is it so distressing for me to be alone? This is your official invitation—psychoanalyze me please!

P.S. Sorry if I bore you with the cooking stuff, but there is a reason the blog's called "Starting from Scratch."

3 comments:

  1. I don't like psychoanalyzing people but let's think about this: you are in a new city (south seattle), new home with people you do not know extremely well, taking three hard ass math classes, and you are a girl that loves her routine. Ahhhh bed time 9:30 :) A day thrown off from your regular routine probably would be a bit funny especially if you are in a place you are not extremely familiar with....and you are used to be surrounded by your best friends in weird moments like these.

    Some people at my work try listening to wordless music and they say it really helps them find their inner stillness and peace with God. Sometimes we feel like we have to being going going going all the time and being productive (i am and example of this) but I think we are meant to be "still" too like you said.

    Also, I want to knead bread with you to Lady Gaga some time hahaha. "rah rah rah ah ah ah"

    Excited to hike with you tmrw!!!

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Ande!! I needed a CH friend to ground me. I think I have too much time on my hands haha. I'm excited about tomorrow!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Lindsay-Linds,
    I am sorry to hear that you feel so antsy! Ugh, I hate that unsettled feeling. Sometimes when I am so "charged" and kinda running around doing tasks frantically, there is something that I am avoiding. Is there something that is bothering you or making you feel unsettled at the core? Maybe that is driving you. I dunno, maybe not! Maybe you're just a busy girl! haha.
    Let's see, what would be your ideal relaxing day? Going for a walk, renting a movie, drinking coffee...etc. Figure that out before the day comes...and rememebr don't set goals. Remember how you were in Chile? No goals ; ) (as weird as that sounds)
    Looking forward to talking to you more later : )
    Much love over here for YOU, my wonderful friend!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete